This post doesn’t fit in a neat little category, it diverges a bit from my typical posts. This is my birth story, well my third and most recent son’s birth story. It’s a survival story. A scenario that could come knocking on the door of any woman giving birth. I’m sharing here because there’s power in sharing. And hey, it’s my blog, if I can’t write what I want here, then what’s the point ,).
They say the veil between life and death is thin when giving birth. I never thought much about it until I gave birth to my third child.
My actual labor and delivery was by far the smoothest of all of the boys. We arrived at the hospital at 2pm on February 16th and by 2pm on the 17th, he had arrived. I was in active labor for less than five minutes. it was miraculous! I was intent on a VBAC and it happened. I was overjoyed. My little boy slid out without hesitation after two pushes. I sank into my yogic breaths and didn’t even scream out. At only six pounds, he was small, there was no tearing, no trauma, no drama.
Immediately I got to hold this beautiful new soul. We were skin to skin, he latched right away. It was love at first sight. I reveled in the sacredness of the moment, until after the umbilical cord stopped pulsing before delivering the placenta. My husband cut the cord.
Placenta delivered, we laughed and joked with the doctor and nurses. I was so relieved it was over, and that he was here, healthy and beautiful.
Pictures were taken. Relatives were called, the good news shared. I was famished. A Grubhub order for celebration sushi was placed.
The doctor was still in the room chatting with one of the midwives in training. The nurse was updating my chart on the computer next to my bed, when it happened.
There was sudden pressure in my abdomen and then the sensation of a pop. As if a champagne bottle had just been uncorked, a fizzy volcanic eruption unleashed, I felt a gush of warmth between my legs. I called out to the doctor. As he came over to me, the smile on his face dropped. The midwife ran over followed by the nurse. They were pressing my stomach to check my uterus, trying to determine where the bleeding was coming from. The room filled with nurses and doctors. I started to get dizzy.
I looked at my husband, his face helpless as the doctor spoke with him. He gave me a terse smile. Then his outline grew blurry. I was very dizzy. Everyone seemed like they were moving in slow motion, the room became black and white.
“Transfusion,” I heard one doctor say.
“Emergency surgery,” I heard another doctor said.
My nursing newborn was taken from my chest. I was being lifted out of my bed and placed on a gurney.
At least I got to hold him. I remember thinking as they wheeled me towards the elevator. At least there are photos of me holding him, so that he can see how happy I was.
It’s hard to describe the feeling of your life force leaving your body. It was slow. I had time to reflect but not time to process. I tried to communicate but my words were jumbled and slurred. By the time we had reached the elevator, I had passed out.
I came to nine hours later, in the same room where I had given birth. My husband was by my side holding our son. A new nurse was typing loudly, updating my chart on the computer station beside my bed.
My throat was sore and dry, my lips cracked from where I had been intubated. Postpartum hemorrhage, the nurse eventually explained.
It would be the next day before I was able to feel the pain in my abdomen from the surgery. The next week before I truly began to process what had happened. How close I had been to death’s door.
Postpartum hemorrhaging is one of the leading causes of maternal death. I am eternally grateful to the doctors and nurses who saw me, who heard me, and whose swift and compassionate actions saved my life. Being earthside with my boys is a gift I will never take for granted.
During birth, we loose a lot of heat and life force. The recovery process is vital. It is helpful for new mothers to warm themselves from the inside out with their food choices. Here are two recipes for warm and mildly spicy drinks that will help ignite a gentle internal heat:
Broths are fantastic as well, particularly bone broth to assist in building blood.
Have you or someone you know experienced a postpartum hemorrhage? Do you have a birth story to share?